Step Away From My IPA

As I sit here enjoying my “morning” cup of coffee (if given the chance, I’ll start my day at noon any day) I’ve been mulling over my thoughts on caffeine.

I don’t really care how much coffee other people drink.  And I think most people have a pretty good idea of where their limit is.  BUT! There are some days that I really wish I had the bartender’s right to cut people off.  If you’ve ever been to a coffee shop, you know the person I’m talking about.

They sprint up to the register, shifting nervously from foot to foot and refolding their money if there’s a line.  They approach to place their order and get really up in your face; not aggressively, but . . . enthusiastically.   When they order an absurdly caffeinated beverage, you are simultaneously unsurprised and horrified that this person could put any additional stimulants into their system.  Since these are usually clean, well-dressed people, you can’t really deny them service.  They aren’t harassing anyone (but me) and they can’t be accused of anything more than being REALLY excited about their next cup of coffee.

Over-caffeinated customers aren’t nearly as annoying as over-caffeinated friends, however.  You know, the one’s who slam fourteen energy drinks and then get on your case for enjoying your recreational beer because (and I quote) “I DON’T NEED DRUGS. SEE! I’M RIDICULOUS ENOUGH WITHOUT THEM” To these people I would just like to say:



But you don’t see me shelving my coffee mug and breaking my French Press (well maybe you do see me breaking the French Press but that’s because I’m clumsy).  I don’t want to argue about which of the “mild” drugs are mildest because I don’t really care.  I’m just advocating a little moderation.  Now back away from my IPA.


5 thoughts on “Step Away From My IPA

  1. As someone who tends to kill four to six cups of coffee in the first couple hours I’m at work, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Obviously, I can stop whenever I want. I just don’t want to right /now/, see? Really, I think I’m just substituting for the drug(s) I can’t legally have in my system right now. I’d like to think I’m not hyper and obnoxious, though.

    My favorite french press cracked all the way up one side two days ago. It was a good french press, and performed admirably despite it’s fatal wounding, but has been laid to rest. A small memorial service is scheduled for next week.

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